Final Reflection
In my time spent at First United Methodist Church this semester, I had the opportunity to learn and experience multiple things. At times, it was difficult, and other times is was beneficial. Regardless, God has used this semester to teach me a few things about ministry (both for youth and adults).
I am thankful for the opportunity to work with Mike and Jason at FUMCY for this semester. While under their supervision, I was taught many things. I was encouraged to take ownership in the ministry while also observing. As a result, I was able to grow closer to many of the students. The fact that I took ownership in many areas of the youth group allowed me to work on a deeper level with other sponsors as well as students. So to be able to do that was beneficial. However, there were some negative things that I witnessed, but nevertheless, learned from. Watching Jason attempt to fill the void of Mike leaving was a difficult thing to watch. The youth group dropped from 50 students to 10. Jason was hired on a part-time basis, so it really wasn't his fault entirely, but it certainly didn't help that he had no back up. We sponsors did our best to keep the youth group afloat, but regardless, it simply failed. So on a personal level, I am saddened by the current state of the youth group. I am disappointed in some of the desisions made by the church which brought the group to this place, but I understand.
I think if I was to do this practicum over again and I wanted to dedicate more time to the youth group, I would have to switch some priorties in my life around. I wouldn't be able to work as much or pursue my immediate career as quickly as I would like to. But it is all in the sacrifices that we have to make. The only problem with doing that is that I would essentially be put in charge of the entire youth group if I allowed myself to be. At times, FUMCY seems so desperate that they would be willing to hire me on as the youth pastor. And frankly that scares me, so I choose to not make myself as available as possible in case they would assume that I would take on the position. I am not ready for that position, nor really willing. So that's where I'm at on a professional level.
From looking back on my reflections and spiritual journals, I realize that I was able to experience many difficult and beneficial things. As I mentioned before, I am thankful for these opportunities and know that that they will serve to be helpful in my future ministry from here on out.
Fall Practicum Week 8
Week 8 (11/09/08)
Record of Ministry Activities
Plan and Coordinate Youth Events on Tuesday (1 ½ Hours)
Typical Youth Group (3 ½ Hours)
Total Ministry Hours: 5 Hours
Personal Reflection on Ministry
Well, this is my last week, and it feels sort of a melancholy week for me. When I say it is going to be my last week, what I really mean is it will be my last week blogging about my experiences. I have done the 8 weeks that are required to blog about, so I'll be done with that. But I still will continue to go to youth group purely because I have invested in these students and want to continue to show them love and compassion. However, my outlet for dissecting what I learned that week will be gone and I will have to decide who or what to use to help divulge this information to. Unfortunately, it was not the best week to end on. I decided to blog about this week because it sums up my experience this semester as youth group. As I have described before, our youth group is in shambles and we can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. All I feel that I can do is try to shine my light and hope that it affects somebody in a positive way. There are certain students that I can still see are holding on to the idea of our youth group and do not want it to die. These are the students that I am clinging to and hoping that they begin to take some leadership in the group. One of the students mentioned the fact that J.C Bodyshop is taking all of our students and in the mean time, we are dying. I had to stand up at that point and point out to him that J.C Bodyshop does not "steal" students. They simply are another place in this city that is providing students an opportunity to worship Jesus and we should celebrate that. It was difficult for me to mean what I said when I said it. But I did mean it. I am proud of J.C Bodyshop and what Charlie is doing over there, and I hope they continue to grow and to serve God whole-heartedly in the process.
Spiritual Reflection
On a spiritual level, I realized a couple of things. The first one is kind of a shocker, so prepare yourself: I am not called into youth ministry. It has taken me 4 years to get to finally admitting this fact, but that is what it is. A fact. God has most certainly called me into ministry, but not youth ministry. He has been clear that I have a genuine calling to serve him in some capacity. But there is one thing that I have learned in my 4 years here at Indiana Wesleyan University: Youth Ministry is not where I am called. Now, while I thought that this would be an absolute shock to me, it really is ok. I feel God telling me, "You keep pursuing me and full-time ministry, and I will make you calling more clear". So, right now I am just seeking and finding God and asking Him to give me more clarity as I pursue Him. It has been amazing to see and feel the faithfulness of God in directing my calling. From calling me in Charlie Alcock's class on a campus visit to letting me know that I should be planting a church, He has been faithful. So in my final spiritual reflection, I reflect on the fact that God is faithful and that no matter what I feel or how scared I am, He is there. He is there to guide me and tell me and show me the beautiful way that is in front of me. Like a father shows His son a beautiful prize, I run towards Him and it at full speed knowing that He will catch me if I fall. So that is what I leave this practicum with and this blog with. Running towards my Father.
Fall Practicum Week 7
Week 7 (10/21/08)Record of Ministry ActivitiesPlan and Coordinate Youth Events on Tuesday (1 ½ Hours) Typical Youth Group (2 ½ Hours)Total Ministry Hours: 4 HoursPersonal Reflection on MinistryYouth group last night was once again sort of disappointing. Our main worship leader decided not to show up and as a result, the entire night seemed like a waste of our time. Whenever there seems to be a “glitch” in the system, the entire night falls to pieces for no reason. It is such a shame. Our worship leader doesn't show up, and all of a sudden, we can't do the normal teaching service either? That just doesn't make sense. I think ministries, especially youth groups, need to learn to be flexible during situations that aren't ideal. This situation was not ideal, but we certainly did not make the most of it. We let the negative take the night and turn it into a negative. We are in the middle of a series on other religions. And we took the “religion” of scientology tonight. It was certainly an interesting conversation that we had, but it was not very progressive. The conversation, what little there actually was, seemed forced and not legitimate. It was pretty much the new youth pastor reading facts about scientology and hoping that some of our students would at least ask a question. The problem was that when a student asked a question, the youth pastor didn't know and he just told them to look it up online. This doesn't seem fair to me. As pastors, we need to be knowledgeable about the topic we are discussing that night. If we aren't knowledgeable, then how do we expect the students to care or trust that we know what we are talking about. It only takes one “missed” question in order for a student to lose interest in the topic that we are discussing. I want to be able to answer as many questions as possible. And if I can't answer a question, I want to at least be able to say, “I'll look it up and let you know”. I never want to say, “I don't know and I'm not willing to look it up for you”. Spiritual ReflectionOn a spiritual level, I had to question the significance of last night. It was kind of disappointing on a spiritual level. When you lack a crucial worship element like music, there just seems to be a huge gap missing. There was a huge gap missing last night, and I'm almost certain that it had to do with the fact that we didn't have a musical worship element. And because the typical schedule was thrown off, we didn't seem organized and it was difficult for students to actually buckle down and get into a rhythm of worship. I personally felt this lack as well. It was unfortunate to be so stressed and worried about the lack of music that I could never focus solely on God and just be present. It made me wonder about the future and the stress that I would encounter and how I would deal with that. I mean, I can almost guarantee that I will be involved in some level of stress while in ministry. So the question becomes, “how do I deal with that stress and still be effective spiritual both in teaching and personally”? It was heartbreaking to have to be stressed over a service and not dedicate my energy to worshiping God. I really need to find that balance between taking leadership and ownership and actually participating in worship. I don't expect this to be solved overnight.
Fall Break (No Practicum)
This week was Fall Break and thus I was not able to attend youth group.
Fall Practicum Week 6
Week 6 (10/12/08)
Record of Ministry ActivitiesPlan and Coordinate Youth Events on Tuesday (1 ½ Hours)
Worship Night Including Singing (2 ½ Hours)
Total Ministry Hours: 4 Hours
Personal Reflection on MinistryTonight was special in for a couple of reasons. The first reason is the fact that for my job with admissions, I had a visiting guest staying with me overnight. So, I took him along with me to youth group so that he could experience what a youth group was like here in Marion. I'm pretty sure he really enjoyed it. He told me that it was a lot different than his youth group at home, but it definitely had some awesome features to it. So that was encouraging to hear an outside opinion as to the happenings and appearance of our youth group. As far as the actual service tonight, it was a special worship only service. The thing I liked about tonight was the fact that I was able to have a more hands-on role in the youth group. Sometimes, I sing in the worship band, and this youth group night happened to be one of those nights. I was able to get to know the worship band a little more as we planned out what we would like to do as far as music goes in the worship service. I realized that relationships are built by doing things together, not just by talking about becoming closer. I felt really close to the people in the worship band because I was able to work with them closely and hand to hand. When you are able to discuss some theological issues in a worship song to a high schooler, that creates an important relationship that can't be built any other way. So, my eyes were opened to the importance of working together with the students in order to grow closer with them and build relationships.
Spiritual ReflectionI was wondering about the theological issues pertaining to having just a purely musical service. I know that in theology class, we discuss the importance of having three things be apart of the church service: the preaching of God's Word, the community meets, and the sacraments are administered. So, when we have a service that is purely music in nature, what does that do to our theological assumptions about what a church service should be? Does the fact that many of our worship songs contain pieces of God's Word mean that the preaching of God's Word is covered? If that is true, what about the sacraments? Does worship count as a sacrament? I don't think so, personally. But it certainly is a means of grace. These were just some of the theological questions that I had while performing a service that was just purely worship. I would be interested to hear the opinions of some of the theology professors on campus. I know many of the churches around here have held services like this. While attending a service like this, I personally have found myself become bored and worn out with just singing. I'm not sure if any of the students felt this way tonight. But I know I have felt that before.
Fall Practicum Week 5
Week 5 (10/5/08)
Record of Ministry ActivitiesPlan and Coordinate Youth Events on Tuesday (1 ½ Hours)
Traditional Youth Group (2 ½ Hours)
Total Ministry Hours: 4 Hours
Personal Reflection on MinistryI actually left youth group tonight feeling depressed. See, we had a change in youth leaders this semester, and so far, it hadn't been bad. Until tonight, however. This was the first night of youth group that I left feeling bad for the students that attended. Nothing was organized, nothing was planned. And it was clear that both of those things were true. It was truly sad. I had to make the powerpoint slides as soon as I got there, because they had not been made earlier. I had to make sure all the music was set up for the worship band. I even had to sing for a couple of songs because the “lead singer” was not present. So, I ended up doing so much and feeling burnt out almost as soon as I got there. That is not a pleasant feeling. The message from the youth pastor was disheartened and the worship seemed forced. It was a disappointing night for the youth group. There aren't a whole lot of nights that are like this, but they do happen. It makes me wonder how to avoid situations like this in the future. In my future ministry, being unprepared is something that I want to avoid as much as possible. Whether it is a sermon or a worship set, I want to be able to have things planned out and ready to go. Because not only does the ministry suffer an image crisis, but the people attending the ministry suffer spiritually. Which brings me to my next point...
Spiritual ReflectionI noticed that at youth group, when there was no clear direction in the service, my mind just wandered. It made me think back as to how I process messages and sermons. In homiletics, we discussed the fact that it is an important thing to have a process or thought train throughout the entire service. One thing leads to the next and to the next until it all makes sense. Well, at youth group, there was no real process and no real connection. This made it really difficult to process and connect with what was happening both in worship and teaching. So instead of having a solid spiritual connection with God and the youth group, I felt let down. I felt let down by the worship team, the youth pastor, and myself. It was so frustrating spiritually that I was forced to look at the importance of planning again. Who would have thought that a well organized service could so positively affect the spiritual gains and losses of the congregation. It was something that struck me hard tonight, and something that I will definitely remember for a long time. Especially once I am in a ministry somewhere.
Fall Practicum Week 4
Week 4 (9/28/08)
Record of Ministry Activities
Plan and Coordinate Youth Events on Tuesday (1 ½ Hours)
Lock-In (7:00pm – 7:00am = 12 hours)
Total Ministry Hours: 13 1/2 Hours
Personal Reflection on Ministry
I've never quite been able to understand the point or torture known as lock-ins. So let me get this straight. The idea is to take 50 high school students, put them in a large building with tons and tons of hallways and crevices to hide in, and then give them gallons of energy drinks, and hope that nothing gets broken? This seems backwards to me. And no matter how backwards it seems, we do it about twice a semester. FUMCY decides that the lock-ins are one of our greatest outreach tools, and so we do them quite often. The problem with this philosophy is the fact that we end up paying so much to fix all the things that we break during lock ins. I don't even want to think about what goes on that I cannot see or don't know about. But it is a funny thing that when we hold a lock-in, we double the size of our youth group. We usually run about 25/week. But lock-ins bring in about 50-70. Not all of them go to church or even know what Christianity includes. But we are just happy that they are in a church building. Whether they see a group of our regular students going through the prayer stations or maybe they run into one of us sponsors, they will feel Christ's love. That is our intention and hope for lock-ins, no matter how dangerous or expensive they are. So the lock-in was tiring, but fantastic in terms of relationship building.
Spiritual Reflection
On a spiritual note, things kind of dipped low on the graph yesterday. You would think that after seeing so many students at our youth group all being inside the church would be a spiritually charging experience. But for some reason, I found myself frustrated. I would see some of the students not really care or respect some of the spiritual stations that we had set up. There was no respect for the building as a whole, which was extremely disheartening. The church is such a beautiful church and one that has lasted for many years. In fact, the actual church itself just celebrated its 175th anniversary. While the building may not be that old, there is certainly a history and respect there that I can feel. It is a shame to see people not respect that same feeling. And spiritually, I wonder how much these kids are desiring a change or anything like that. Sure, they are in a church, but I wonder how many of those kids respect that fact. Based on my observations, not many actually respect the religion. Most of them are there for the fun and not the relationship. It makes me wonder how we can change that mindset. A mindset of “I don't care” to a mind set of “maybe I do care”.
